Aliens in the Alley
by Captain-Emily
Summary: A pair of unexpected guests bring Hermione and Luna's discussion of the Rotfang Conspiracy and the existence of aliens to a screeching halt.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter or DC Comics.

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** Aliens in the Alley**

_A DC Comics/Harry Potter crossover_

oOo

Hermione clenched her fists beneath the table, knuckles white from the pressure. Spots of red colored her cheeks like tiny stop signs. Sensing her anger, Harry, Ron, Ginny, and Neville surreptitiously studied their surroundings, looking for a quick escape route should she lose her temper. With body language and covert signals—a head tilt here and a subtle eye roll there—they agreed that since they were seated outdoors, the safest bet would be to simply flee down the alley. Screaming was optional.

And things had started out so well—just a lazy, fun afternoon of shopping and ice cream at Florean Fortescue's. But Hermione's irritation level had quickly gone from "All Clear" to "Explosion Imminent", and the cause of her ire was currently sitting across the table, seemingly oblivious to the smoldering, bushy-haired witch as she happily swirled a spoon in her praline and squid ink ice cream.

Though she was obviously seething, Hermione managed to keep her voice steady as she spoke through clenched teeth. "Luna, despite the headmaster's love of sweets, Dumbledore is _not_ a member of the Rotfang Conspiracy. Because there _is_ no Rotfang Conspiracy."

"So you don't find it suspicious that he offers lemon drops to—"

"LUNA!' Hermione snapped, causing the four silent observers at the table to jump. "Please, listen to me. There. Is. No. Such. Thing. As. The. Rotfang. Conspiracy. It's just a stupid myth. Next thing you know, you'll be trying to convince me that aliens exist."

Luna sighed, shaking her head sadly. "Well _of course_ aliens exist. It's a big universe, with lots of room. It's awfully conceited to think that we're the only ones in it."

"Aargh!" Hermione growled. Slamming her hands on the wooden tabletop, she stood, looming over Luna. "I don't know why you—"

The sound of a clearing throat interrupted her tirade.

"WHAT?" she snapped, turning her ire on the interloper—

—and immediately fell back to her chair as her legs buckled. She stared in open-mouthed shock at the stranger—make that _strangers_—who had interrupted her.

And strange they were. There were two beings before her, both unlike anything she had ever seen. The first was quite obviously female, her orange skin contrasting sharply with her barely-there purple metal armor. She was heart-stoppingly beautiful, more so than any veela the teens had ever seen, with a mountain of riotous auburn hair. Her eyes, which had no discernible pupils, glowed an eerie neon green.

The second was a massively large man, at least six and a half feet tall. His skin was a deep emerald green and he had a prominent, protruding brow jutting out over deep red eyes. An odd outfit consisting of nothing more than blue briefs and boots, red crossed suspenders, and a blue high-necked cape clearly showed off his bodybuilder's physique.

Both strangers were hovering a foot off the ground.

The verdant giant, who had initially interrupted Hermione's rant, seemed almost amused at the table of teens before him, though no sign of it showed on his impassive face. When he spoke, his voice was deep, clear, and soothing—like a placid lake surface.

"I am J'onn J'onzz, known as the Martian Manhunter, and this is Starfire, Princess of the planet Tamaran."

The beautiful woman coughed to cover a giggle when Hermione's eyes seemed about to pop out of their sockets in shock.

"I apologize for interrupting, but could you perhaps direct us to the Ministry of Magic?"

Luna was the only one able to respond, pointing them in the right direction and even explaining how to use the phone booth entrance. The man thanked her and hovered upwards until he was a mere green and blue speck high above the rooftops. The bubbly orange woman gripped her hand, shaking it and thanking her exuberantly. She flew upwards for a few feet before seeming to think better of it and hovering back down to Luna.

"I love your earrings!" she exclaimed, brushing one of the dangling radishes before ascending once again, her hair a fiery streak behind her.

The six young wizards watched enraptured as the odd beings flew off. It was only once they were out of sight that the tense silence was broken by a quiet snort from Ron. The snort became a snicker, then outright laughter. Soon, both Harry and Ginny were joining him, laughing merrily at Hermione's expense. Even Neville tittered a bit, though he tried his best to hide it.

Luna calmly returned to her ice cream, only the barest trace of a smile on her lips.

Hermione shoved her bowl aside, resting her elbows on the table and her head in her hands.

"Say one word and I'll hex you so badly they'll never find all of the pieces."

oOo

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**Author's Note:** This was written for two challenges, both found on Livejournal: 10_cliches, under the prompt "Insanity Takes Over", and crossovers_100, for the prompt "mountain". And if you don't know why the prompt is "mountain", Google Starfire and check out her armor.


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